Working Mother's Guilt

First of all, I know that I am extremely lucky that my mom watches Payton while Derek and I work. I also know that I am extremely lucky in the fact that I work for a firm that allows me flexibility to be there for Payton when the need arises. However, there are times like today when the guilt of working and not being there for Payton gets to me. Especially now that Payton asks me every morning if I have to go to work today. She beams on weekends when I tell I don't.

I blame what happened today squarely on her Mother's Day Out mishap in scheduling. In January her school passed out its Spring schedule. On that schedule it was clearly noted that "Muffins with Mom" was to be on April 28th and "Donuts with Dad" was to be on May 5th. I put both on my calendar. However, a week before April 28th the school switched the dates. Although Derek couldn't attend "Donuts with Dad" regardless of the date due to work, I had arranged for my dad to go. However, since the dates got switched, my dad couldn't attend "Donuts with Dad" due to having to be out of town.

As you can guess, today was "Muffins with Mom." However, I also could not attend because I had a hearing scheduled this morning that could not be moved. Also, I didn't want to put in any filed motion with court that I needed to continue the hearing because: (1) "Muffins with Mom" was at the exact same time; (2) As a mother I feel extremely guilty about not being able to be there; (3) that I feel my child (who is 2) may be scarred for life because I missed it; and (4) any response filed by the multiple opposing counsel on this matter (who all happen to be male).

That being said, my mom attended with Payton. My mom said Payton kept asking where I was and was very concerned if she needed to get me a muffin. Sigh....... I could feel my heart breaking when my mom told me this.

I know that failing to attend "Muffins with Mom" will not scar her for life, and is not the big mothering failure that I think it is. However, it was her first ever scheduled mother/daughter activity and I couldn't be there.

I guess I will have to settle for the next best thing: a video from my mom. Enjoy!!