The Pressure of Parenting

I have been putting a ton of pressure on myself regarding if we are doing things "right" in raising our daughter.  I know that this pressure is purely self-inflicted.  I really don't compare myself to other moms or their children that are around Payton's age.  This is purely my own rational/irrational fears of raising a small child.

The first item on the agenda that I have been freaking out about is school.  I realize Payton will not be going to kindergarten until the fall of 2014; however, we are debating private/public school.  If we are going to go the private school route then I really need to start researching (other than just browsing websites) schools.  However, after reviewing the different websites, I get freaked out because they require a parent interview along with a child interview.  The majority even require testing by the child.  I don't even know if we are going the private school route, but what if Payton can't even get into a private school.  I have talked to numerous parents that have older kids in private school and they said the testing is more just to make sure they are ready for kindergarten and a general assessment.  It is not as if she is going to be asked or expected to perform algebra or speak a second language.

Then the next questions becomes what type of private school?  Do we want a classical approach to her education?  I didn't even know there was a classical approach or what it was until I started researching schools.  Do we want a school that goes through high school?  Do we want a small vs. big school in terms of  sports offered?  There are a thousands pros and cons for each.  It literally hurts my head to think about it.  Also, just how much is this education worth?  I mean public school is free so to speak (and we live in an awesome school district), but private school can vary between $7,000 a year to $14,000.00 a year.  What if we have another kid?  Can we afford two in private school?

Also, there is the issue of her Spanish immersion school she is going to now.  I love it.  She will stick with it until she goes off to kindergarten.  However, because she will be in it for three years, I want her to stick with it to maintain and continue to learn the language.  Since most private schools don't offer Spanish until second or third grade (and I am still unclear on how much they are exposed to in those grades) we are planning on keeping her going once a week after school  for her to continue to be immersed in the language.  Let me tell you, when you add the cost of private school plus tutoring it starts to add up fast.

I know I just need to take a deep breath, but I am a planner.  I want to have a plan in action.  I think most of my stressing is because right now we don't know if we are going the public vs. private school.


The next item, which is still somewhat educational related, is that I don't know if I am treating Payton like too much of an adult and robbing her of her childhood to some extent.  I have always said, and still believe, that talking to Payton as an adult and explaining things to her even as a baby was one of the reasons she was such a verbal child at a young age. Lately, she has been asking a ton of questions about things and I always try to explain them to her.  Somehow we got on a kick about the Sun and I started to explain the solar system to her.  We drew pictures and I showed her videos of our solar system and each planet.  Her favorite planet is Jupiter because it is the biggest and has the most moons.   This also got us into a deeper discussion of the seasons and why they occur based on the the way the Earth is tilted.  So, I decided that I would buy her some solar system toys and this really neat calendar.  Since Easter is coming up, I decided these would be the perfect gifts from the Easter Bunny because they are more expensive items.  (Not super expensive, I mean $35.00 bucks, but way more than the $4.99 plastic toy at the grocery store.)   Don't get me wrong, there will be plenty of candy eggs, bubbles, and a coloring book, but I started thinking, "What kind of mother gets her kid this from  Easter Bunny?"  OMG...... Am I a tiger mom, pushing my kid?  I don't think that I am, but I can't help but think it.


I know that Payton is a well adjusted little girl.  She loves to play and is so curious about everything.  However, I can't help but feel like the upcoming decisions we are going to have to make about school somehow determine her fate for the rest of her life.    I know that I am being a little dramatic, but when I try to go to sleep at night all this doubt starts running though my head about are we making the right choices for her.  I know every parent wants the best for their child, and we are no different.  But at the end of the day, I have to have faith that whatever decision we make for her will be the right one.