Mixed Bag of Emotions

I know it has been forever since I have blogged.  My big hearings were on Friday, as well as our firm's Christmas party.  I somehow was put in charge of organizing it and planning it.  It was just really bad timing that the hearings happened to occur on the morning of the big Christmas party.  Saturday was also Payton's big birthday party, and today we had Christmas with part of Derek's family before they headed back to Amarillo this morning.  I still need to post pictures from our ski trip, and I still have a ton of other stuff to do before Santa arrives.  I also whacked the garage door again last week, and I have to order a new mirror. I am hoping since this is the third one it will be free.  However, I just don't feel like blogging about anything right now.  I feel drained from everything going on and everything I have yet still to do.

The real cause of my current state of mind, however, is what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary school. I wasn't aware of what happened until about 2:00 on Friday afternoon when I finally had time to check the internet.  I first found out from Facebook then I immediately went to national websites.  I was in horror.  I don't know if I have ever cried over a news article before.  Not even during 9/11 did I cry upon learning about it.  I know a lot of it has to do with me now being a mother, but I do think there is something more.  It was the age of the children and being so close to the holidays. Children that age are so dependent upon their teachers for instructions and guidance.  I can't even image what those babies were thinking.  Yes, in mind they are still considered babies at that age.


Someone on Facebook re-posted something Morgan Freeman supposedly said.  I don't really care who said it, but to me, it is so true.  This was the "statement"  "You want to know why? This may sound cynical, but here's why. It's because of the way the media reports on it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single victim of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody."


What is so sad is it is true to me.  I can't remember one victim from Columbine.  I don't know if it is necessarily the media's fault.  I think we focus on the monster instead of the victims because we want to find an answer.  We think if there is an answer to be found then there will be some way of preventing this.  However, when we focus on trying to find the answer, we lose sight of the victims.



So, this weekend I went to my daughter's birthday party and witnessed her playing with all her friends.  I watched her open presents and laugh with her grandparents, but my heart was heavy.  I felt the realization that for those parents of those babies that there would be no more birthday parties.   I think it will be the same for Christmas.

I will get back to blogging about my boring everyday life, including ski pictures, birthday pictures, and Christmas.  I will also be grateful that I still have my family to blog about.  However, for right now, I just don't have it in me to post pictures with cute little captions and pretend that I am not deeply shaken by what happened.